What was that colorful object on my Uber driver’s dashboard? And what does this story have to do with leadership?
It’s 7:05pm and I’m returning home after facilitating a workshop. After four hours of traveling on Ubers and delayed trains, I’m in the final Uber of my trip—feeling impatient, “hangry,” and eager to get home for our family’s first dinner together in months, with my boys finally home from college. I’m catching up on email and texting my family that I’ll arrive in a few minutes. “Please, no more traffic,” I keep saying to myself.
The topic of my workshop that day had been empathetic leadership. People frequently think of empathetic leadership as “touchy feely,” but many of the exercises we practiced are similar to those practiced by master negotiators, including those in the FBI. It’s about listening AND about getting stuff done.
Sometimes, we simply jump to the latter. We want and need to cross things off our to-do list. We have to get to that next meeting. We can get impatient—not unlike how I was feeling on that Uber ride. It’s hard to remember to slow down and listen.
The masters, however, remember to do just that so that what they accomplish is sustainable.
During the workshop, I engaged the client group in several listening exercises—moving from Level 1 Listening (thinking of what you’re going to say next instead of to what the other person is saying) to Level 3 Listening (attuning to the other’s emotions and body language). We then practiced listening while setting boundaries and making clear requests and agreements. The leaders saw how more effective listening leads to more effective problem solving.
After doing all these exercises with an inspiring group of leaders, and then traveling, and then catching up on emails, I finally looked up from my phone and saw a cute, colorful object that I couldn’t quite make out.
I asked the driver, “Endie, do you mind if I ask you what that object is on your dashboard?”
“Thank you so much for asking,” he responded.
“After a long ride with a little boy and his parents, as the dad was giving me a tip, the boy said, ‘Endie, I don’t have any money for you, and I want to give you something.’”
The boy reached into his pocket and grabbed this little mitten he had made at camp.
“All I have is this,” he said, “but it is yours now.”
As he handed it to Endie, the boy smiled and thanked him for safely getting his family to their destination.
Endie said that this had happened years ago. Since then, he’s bought a new car, but he still keeps the mitten on his dashboard to inspire him and his clients.
Not only was that his best tip; he said it is the best gift he’s ever received.
The boy had almost nothing, and gave Endie everything.
“Hands have so many positive symbols,” Endie said, “and I like to think of it as a way to connect all of us.”
Well, there I was, reminding myself of why I do the work I do. I had been so busy focusing on what was next that I forgot to be present and listen and look up to a great message that was right in front of me.
(Coincidentally, this is the same work I’ll be doing with another client team next week. They need to look up from their day-to-day work and integrate across department boundaries.)
Thankfully, I remembered to look up and engage with Endie and heard that inspiring story of a little boy who made a difference in this man’s life.
And I remembered I need to practice what I preach!
Where, in our everyday lives, can we practice better listening? Where can we look up and connect? How can we apply those practices to our leadership?
I would love to hear your thoughts and reflections!
-Lori